Don’t worry, this isn’t Nancy Regan’s anti drug campaign from the 80’s, although that message is still good advice today.  Instead, I’ve provided a current insight on the power of saying “no”.  If you’re a people pleaser, or think you want to be one, this lesson will challenge you!

I was recently acknowledged by a respected colleague for my ability to say “no.”  Many self employed business owners want to do whatever we can to accommodate others when they ask for a favor, or want us to join a committee, lead a board, give a presentation, etc.  However, saying yes to those things when you don’t have the time or energy to adequately devote to them can do more harm than good.

I’d rather politely decline so that I don’t over-extend myself, than say yes and risk tarnishing my good brand by doing a so-so or poor job.

My objective is to honor all my existing commitments, while leaving enough margin for unexpected interruptions or delays and sufficient down time.

Key Questions:

To make sure you aren’t taking on too much and diluting your effectiveness, ask yourself these questions:

1. Does this opportunity fit with my skills, target market, and/or core values? 

2.  Do I have sufficient time, energy, and resources available to meet the requirements of the request, without sacrificing quality? 

3.  Is there someone else available who could do a better job of honoring this request than me? 

4.  Do I really want to do this? Do I feel called to do this?

If I can’t answer “yes” to all four questions, then I say “no” to the opportunity.  There are numerous opportunities to distract me, drain me, motivate me, amuse me, and annoy me.  Some of the opportunities are dressed up as really good things, but the book Good to Great by Jim Collins reminds us not to let the good distract us from becoming Great. Whether we’re considering taking time to do a favor for someone, or embark on a business opportunity, pursue a spiritual endeavor, or agree to a volunteer commitment, we really should make sure that all 4 points above can be answered yes.  If not, we should say no.

Illustrations:

You may be wondering, “what harm could it do if I said yes to these good opportunities?”    The following consequences come to mind, and I’m sure we could come up with many more if we tried:

• Let’s say you agree to speak for a civic group because a friend asked, but it requires you to be there at 7am when you normally drive your child to school at 7:30am.  Do you assign someone else to drive your child, or do you cancel the speaking opportunity the day before because you forgot about driving your child to school?  If you cancel last minute, it leaves the group hanging and you get classified as someone they can’t count on.  If you tell your spouse at 6:45am that he/she needs to drive little Johnny to school, you may create problems at home.

• You agree to sit on a board for a worthy cause, simply because they asked.  You don’t really have the time to attend all the meetings, but you show up on occasion if other things don’t pop up in your schedule.  Are you helping the cause?  Not really.  Are you hurting your reputation?  Most definitely.

• Your friends talk you into going to the bar after work, when you have a 7am presentation the next morning.  You can probably see where this one is going….

A New Perspective on “No”

None of these “opportunities” seemed like a bad thing, but it’s really all about choices and priorities.  Saying “no” to the non-priorities, frees us up to say “yes” to the things we are meant to pursue.   Derek Siver’s book, “Anything you want” really speaks to this point.  He has an awesome filter, which I’ve started to adopt myself.  When presented with a choice, such as an event to attend, an item to purchase, or time to invest, he asks himself, “do I really want to do this?”  If his answer isn’t an enthusiastic  “Hell Yeah!,”  he declines the opportunity.

Those of us who are self employed have to be very cautious and prudent with our time.  It is a precious resource, along our financial resources, and our skills/talents.  It’s easy to say “yes” because we want everyone to like us and think of us often, but he who says “yes” to everyone pleases no one.

Think about these 4 questions and Derek Siver’s “filter” next time you are presented with an opportunity.  If it doesn’t fit within your priorities, just say no!

Discussion Points:

• Share an example of a time you overcommitted yourself.  How did it turn out?
• Share an example of a time you declined an opportunity because your plate was already full.  How did it turn out?
• We train others how to treat us, by how we respond to their requests.  If you answer every email or phone call within minutes of receipt, no matter what time of day or night they arrive, you let others know you are available at all times.  While this is great if you have no other distractions, obligations, or a need for a life, it can’t be sustained for long.  People want to know they can rely on you, so you need to be consistent in your availability.  If you answer immediately in one instance and days later in another, people never really know if or when they can count on you.  Has this situation occurred in your life?  If so, how did you handle it? 

Jennifer M. Harvey, Estate Planning Attorney

By: Lori T. Williams, Owner/Managing Attorney of Your Legal Resource, PLLC

The saying goes, “People don’t plan to fail, they just fail to plan”.  Estate planning is something many of us have a tendency to put off.  Attorney Jennifer Harvey shares some tips on what you need to consider as a business owner, when planning for your estate.

Jennifer began her legal career as outside legal counsel for Ford Motor Credit Company, handling business contracts, litigation, and estate planning.  She decided to create her own practice to help small business owners protect their families in the event of death or incapacity, and to protect their business from liability. Her company slogan is “taking care of you and your family when you can’t.”

Jennifer, why is it important to utilize the services of an estate planning attorney rather than other resources when it comes to estate planning?

Much of what I do involves making sure that our clients are properly informed about their estate planning options.  I often hear about and experience people who have put their trust in internet resources that are inaccurate and do not speak to their situation.  Estate planning and probate law differs from state to state.  Also, it is difficult for an internet researcher to know who actually drafted an internet article or when it was written.  It is important for each person to find the right attorney who specializes in the area of the law that they need and have candid and thorough discussions with him or her to achieve the client’s goals.

Are there any pressing legal issues to consider in the area of Estate Planning?

Yes, two hot topics come to mind:

(a)    The deed beats the Will! 

In estate planning, the deed always beats the Last Will and Testament – that is, if the deed states that a second person is a co-owner with the client or listed as a beneficiary on the deed, the deed controls which beneficiary receives the property at the client’s death.  If the client set up a Will that contradicts the deed, the Will loses and the deed wins.  It is important for an estate planning attorney to make sure that each client’s deeds cooperate with and achieve the goals of each client’s estate plan.  I can’t tell you how many times I have had to probate an estate just because of poor planning.  Probate and results contrary to what a client wants can be avoided by diligent planning.

(b)   Short sales for a decedent’s real estate.

Due to the current real estate market, I often help clients whose parents died and left a house or condo where the mortgage is greater than the value of the property.  Sadly, family members are often denied the opportunity to buy the home in a short sale from the bank because such a sale is considered by the bank to not be “an arm’s length transaction.”  Sometimes families are faced with whether to use money from a deceased parent to pay off the mortgage or let the home go into foreclosure.  There are both financial and emotional issues to contend with, especially if there are many sibling beneficiaries involved.  I highly recommend that people in this situation seek the advice of a qualified attorney to learn about and weigh their options in this situation.

Since it’s the New Year, what planning tips might you offer business owners to get their affairs in order?

(a)    If you’ve never done estate planning, the time to begin is Now!

If you had an estate plan at one time, find your old plan and legal documents for household and your business and determine the following things:

How long has it been since they were updated?

Has your business or family grown or changed since the documents were prepared?

What else has happened in your life, the lives of your loved ones, or the lives of your business colleagues since those documents were prepared?

If there have been changes, review the documents with a qualified estate planning attorney.

Get the appointment on the calendar, don’t put it off any longer.

(b)   Talk to your parents and elderly relatives about their estate planning.

I find that a good way to make conversation about this is to discuss what happens when celebrities pass away without proper planning – we can learn much from the errors of Michael Jackson, Princess Diana and Sonny Bono.

(c)    Talk to your friends, relatives, neighbors and co-workers who have children under the age of 18 to ensure that they have guardians named for their kids in the event that they die.

We wouldn’t let our kids stay with just any babysitter; so much more important is who would act as their guardian in the event of death.  It is important to choose who the guardian would be, and have the right lawyer put your wishes in place. Don’t leave this important decision up to a probate judge!

If someone has a special needs child, regardless of age, a special needs trust should be put in place to ensure that the special needs child can get an inheritance or support from their parents without losing their valuable governmental benefits.

What are some common misconceptions about estate planning?

That it takes too long, is too complex, and is too expensive.

Nothing is further from the truth, if you hire a qualified attorney to assist you.  That attorney can give you a timeline for completing the documents and handle the matter for you.

As for cost, you can talk to an attorney and know what planning will cost you upfront.  If things go wrong and there is no plan in place, it is going to be much more costly to hire a lawyer after the fact, than if you had hired one to properly plan. Rather than thinking “I can’t afford an estate plan,” business owners and heads of households should be thinking, “I can’t afford to NOT have an estate plan and my family can’t afford for me to NOT have an estate plan.”  It’s important to have these documents in place.  To avoid the tendency to procrastinate, I suggest clients commit to have them finalized within 90 days of our initial conversation, to make sure they get it done and don’t have to worry about it.

If you itemize your taxes, you can often use an estate plan for a partial write off on your taxes.  This might provide another incentive to get your affairs in order.

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Jennifer M. Harvey is the founder and managing partner of Harvey Legal Group, PLLC.  She focuses her practice in the areas of estate planning, probate and business law.  Ms. Harvey is faculty for the Institute of Continuing Legal Education (ICLE) teaching other attorneys about estate planning and estate administration.  For more information, visit her website.

Preston True, Executive Coach and Leadership Consultant

I thought it would be worthwhile to look at the steps involved in reaching goals, since some people may have abandoned their New Year’s Resolutions already. It’s never too late to set a meaningful goal, and with some focus you’ll still have time to achieve your goals this year. Business Coach, Preston True, shares his thoughts on the essentials of goal setting.

Preston, tell us a bit about your business and the type of coaching you provide to professionals

After 15 years of working with large and small organizations, I realized there really is no such thing as a business problem.  Instead, there are the challenges, roadblocks and disempowering contexts that humans bring into the workplace that disrupt profitability and organizational success.

I work with professional service providers and their teams (attorneys, CPAs, financial planners and creative firms) to create profitable businesses by helping them have more effective and powerful conversations.

How did you choose this group of people to work with?  What common challenges do they face? 

We chose one another.  I’ve found that many professional service providers have years of expertise and training in how to “do” their work, but struggle consistently to “be” effective leaders, communicators, and sales professionals – for most, these concepts were not part of the curriculum in law, accounting, IT or engineering schools.  Additionally, all of us have been highly trained in the industrial-age, production line mindset that has us design our daily operations on the “highest output for the lowest price” model where job descriptions and automation are king.  Unfortunately, this mindset decimates the two most important characteristics of business today: humanity and creativity.

What obstacles have you repeatedly encountered with your clients when it comes to goal setting and achieving goals?

Goal setting is a powerful support structure to the ongoing development of not only tangible results, but personal growth as well.  Results are almost guaranteed for clients who reliably and consistently set goals for themselves and their businesses.  However, the most common obstacle I see is actually in the goal setting itself.

It may sound crazy, but let’s go back to the production line mindset for a moment.  This mindset demands that revenue, profitability, time, units, and budget goals are paramount.  These examples of external or extrinsic goals are not bad, but if these are the only goals defined, many folks resort to taking shortcuts, cutting corners, sabotaging colleagues, overcharging customers, and doing unnecessary billable work – this is actually documented behavior (see “Drive” by Daniel Pink).  The bottom line: focusing solely on external goals frequently leads to unethical behavior.  This is NOT the way to effective leadership.  Just ask Ken Lay, Jeffrey Skilling, Bernie Madoff or Scott Rothstein.

Describe the process you coach your clients through so they can achieve their goals.  What are the essential steps?

Step 1 – Choose not more than four goals to manage at any given time.  It’s too easy to move on to “the next goal” when we bump up against the challenges in reaching our important goals.  By limiting the number of goals to four or fewer, you will be more focused on and accountable for results.

Step 2 – Understand why you want to produce the goals you say you want to produce.  Without distinguishing intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, you will fall away from your goals very quickly.

Step 3 – Write out your goal plan.  This is a must!  Goals which remain only in your mind are nothing more than wishes. I recommend using a 5-year and 12-month plan that distinguishes domains (or categories) within each goal, as most goals have several components to them.

Step 4 – Create a structure for existence regarding the actions to take.  If you don’t establish specific times in your calendar to take action on your goals, you will not meet them.  In a culture that seems to value busy-ness over accomplishment, your calendar is your best friend in fulfilling on your goals.

Step 5 – Create an accountability structure.  Hire a coach, enroll a colleague, or simply ask a friend to keep you accountable to taking regular action on your goals.  Don’t underestimate accountability… it actually creates amazing freedom.

What are some of the common misconceptions about coaching? 

I still have folks ask me if I’m a soccer coach.  Coaching has been around a very long time; it’s not the “new” thing that many see it to be, but a derivative of consulting that focuses on asking powerful questions of the client rather than having the answers.

Although the coaching industry is full of “the next new trend”, most are just a revised version of something that’s already in existence.  Coaching works because of several ancient ideas: (a) partnership, (b) accountability, and (c) communication.  Not very trendy… just stable fundamentals at work.

How can people benefit from having a coach?

We cannot see our blind spots or saboteurs.  A coach is an objective partner who’s trained to listen at a level most people will never attain.  Through this listening, powerful and moving questions are asked of the client which translates to greater awareness of behaviors and beliefs.  With greater awareness, new choices come to the surface.  When new choices come to the surface, new actions are taken.  When new actions are taken, new results happen.  Coaching is one of the most reliable and powerful support structures you can find for producing bigger results.

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Preston True is a leadership development consultant and executive coach in Royal Oak, Michigan. He works with professional service providers and their teams helping them create powerful and profitable businesses. Companies such as Mellon Smith Pivoz, Macroconnect, T-Systems and the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company benefit from their powerful leadership development experiences with Preston. Learn more at  http://www.trueleadershipLLC.com.