By: Lori T. Williams, Owner/Managing Attorney of Your Legal Resource, PLLC
The past couple weeks have been an interesting case study in communication. The common theme I’m observing is a failure to respond on several occasions. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume my first communication got buried in email, or maybe blocked by spam filters. When I bring it to their attention a second time, sometimes I get a “no”. Other times they’ll respond to another issue, still avoiding the answer to the original question, or allowing silence to stand in the place of “no”.
Photo Credit: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-434Y_Po-uk8/T0uMt26bnBI/AAAAAAAAAow/H5-wwx_RJ44/s400/waiting%2Bfor%2Bphone.jpg
I’ve heard others voice the same complaint about the people they are trying to communicate with and get a decision from. They’ve even labeled the silence as “crickets”. Like the silence is so loud, you can hear the crickets chirping.
What makes people avoid saying “yes”, “no”, or having some sort of discussion about the issue?
- Too Busy:
Often this is code for “I don’t want to deal with this now” — or ever. Certainly we all should prioritize our tasks, and there are things we need to be doing now, while other things can wait until later. However, if you fail to red flag an item in your inbox or calendar it for a later response time, “later” becomes a vacuous abyss you never think of again.
- Want to avoid conflict:
In my opinion, it creates MORE conflict to not answer someone, than if you answer with a response of “no”. By failing to answer, you put the responsibility back on the other person to keep following up until they get a response. If you need more time to think about it, communicate that. If you need more information, ask for it. The “no answer” answer is eventually interpreted as “no”. Why not speed up the process and just give them a “no” to begin with?
- Power Play:
Some people fail to respond because they think it gives them the upper hand, or a sense of power, since you are waiting on their answer to move the agenda forward. We’ve all encountered the stall technique in negotiations at one time or another.
Another example is working as a team on a project with a deadline. If someone fails to communicate or respond timely, it can be very frustrating for the other parties involved. Each delay impacts another piece of the puzzle and could impede the project from being completed on time.
In the business world, most sales people would prefer a clear “yes” or “no” from someone, but are often frustrated by a “maybe”. 3 reasons you might hear “maybe” include:
1. They are looking for some free advice.
2. They aren’t serious about the matter, and are just wasting your time.
3. They are afraid to say “no” or don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, so they keep asking for more time and encourage you to follow up.
Which situation do you most often find yourself in?
1. Waiting for an answer
2. Avoiding an answer
What can you do to change the dynamic?
1. If you are usually waiting for an answer, try these techniques:
a. Be specific so people know if/when they need to respond:
- “Please respond by Friday if you’d like to be considered for this opportunity. If we don’t hear from you by then, we’ll assume you aren’t interested.”
This “takeaway” technique works well when you have more demand than supply and you want to encourage them to respond early. This technique doesn’t work well when you have a limited amount of people to help with a project and really need them.
- “We have a hard deadline of next Thursday, and need your input by Tuesday to get the rest of the information together. Will that work for you?”
This communicates the urgency of the message and gives them the opportunity to share any problems at their end which may impede them from providing the information according to your deadline. A workaround can be discussed, or they may need to do whatever it takes, but a conversation should be had if there is a problem with the deadline. Silence could get you fired, or the client may walk away.
- “Thanks for agreeing to help us with this. When do you plan to have your part of the project completed?”
Again, this affords the opportunity to discuss and resolve any deadline issues.
b. Try another method of communication if the first one didn’t work:
- If someone doesn’t check their email frequently and you need an answer in the next hour, pick up the phone and attempt a live conversation. Texting, emailing, and other written communication methods leave too much room for misinterpretation when there are lots of details to discuss, or difficult issues need to be resolved, or you are facing a short deadline. Email can be effective as written confirmation of the discussion points after you’ve hammered out the details by phone.
- If you know someone will respond to their text messages much quicker than their phone calls or email, try texting.
- Maybe you love to leave private messages on Facebook, or use the chat feature, but the person you are communicating with doesn’t pay attention to Facebook during the day. Call, email, text them instead if you need an answer.
c. Find some new friends:
I say this somewhat jokingly but there are some people who are just too “high maintenance”, requiring you to constantly follow up to firm up the details of your plans. If you aren’t clicking over something as easy as getting together for a glass of wine, invite someone else. Maybe that relationship has runs its course, or “he/she’s just not that into you!” Or maybe now isn’t a good time for your friend because they are juggling kids, a job, parents in the hospital, and a messy house. They may want to meet with you, but just can’t find the time to do anything “fun” right now. It’s o.k., find other friends you enjoy doing things with and invite them instead.
2. If you are usually avoiding giving an answer, ask yourself, “why”?
Identify if you are afraid of conflict, don’t want to say no, are trying to create a power play, or you have some other reason.
Once you identify the reason for the avoidance, think about how you can be proactive:
- Do you need to get more information? Ask for it.
- Do you need more time to decide? Communicate that, and give the other person the courtesy of a response deadline. “I’ll give you my decision by Friday at 3pm.” Be sure to honor your word.
- If you don’t want to hurt their feelings, phrase it in a way that communicates your intent, kindly:
“Thank you so much for the invitation Mary. I’d love to accept, but I’m swamped now. Let me circle back to you in about a week/month, and we’ll look at whether we can get together then.”
Be sure to make a note on your calendar to get back to Mary and communicate where things stand at that time.
Or in a sales context, try this:
“Jim, your proposal looks great, but I’m afraid it’s just not in my budget. I’m not asking you to lower your price, I just have to say no. Perhaps funds will open up next quarter, and if so, I’ll get back to you, but I’m afraid it’s no for now.”
Share your thoughts about other things that have worked for you when you needed to get an answer, or you were reluctant to give one.
Together, let’s put an end to silence being the new “No!”
